


asking, pleading, forgiven, recalled

by ivelostmyspectacles



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Making Up, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2020-03-06 05:49:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18844891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivelostmyspectacles/pseuds/ivelostmyspectacles
Summary: Evan held up his hands. “Sorry– I…” He cleared his throat. “Look, I just… I’m trying to do what’s right.”“Only when you can’t worry about what’s right for theMurphys.”





	asking, pleading, forgiven, recalled

“Hey… Jared.”

“… hey.”

“So… uh… how’ve you been…?”

“Oh, _great._ You know, just _peachy. So_ glad you asked.”

Evan twisted his fingers together. Behind his back, out of Jared’s sight because Jared _hated_ that… but then… Jared probably hated a lot of things about him right now.

He knew he shouldn’t be defeatist. Especially now. He’d been doing so well. But it was hard to not be defeatist, _especially now,_ even though the only person who’d managed to defeat him was himself.

No… he’d defeated more people besides himself. Case in point, standing uneasily in front of him.

“I’m…”

“What do you want, Evan? I’m pretty busy.”

“I’m…” Evan took a deep breath and smoothed his hands down his sides. “I’m sorry, Jared, I’m– I’m sorry.”

Jared’s eyebrows shot up. His attention was finally dragged away from his phone. Evan vaguely wondered what he was so interested in, or if he was just interested in _not_ being interested in Evan, but Jared didn’t give him much time to think about it. “You’re _sorry.”_

“For… all of it. For all of this, I didn’t mean– it– it just got out of hand.”

“Well, no. shit,” Jared intoned. “What gave that away?”

“A lot?” Evan laughed, nervous, and tired. So tired. God, it had been a long few months and he didn’t even have anyone to blame but _himself._ “Just… a lot. So I’m just sorry, alright?”

“And that’s supposed to just _fix_ things?”

“No, not entirely, just–”

“Fuck _you,_ Evan.” He clutched at his phone, knuckles gone white around the display, and then spun to stalk off.

Backpack nearly slamming into Evan’s chest as he went, and Evan hurriedly reached out to grab his arm. “No, wait, Jared–”

Jared jerked out of his reach.

Evan held up his hands. “Sorry– I…” He cleared his throat. “Look, I just… I’m trying to do what’s right.”

“Only when you can’t worry about what’s right for the _Murphys.”_

“That’s…” _True,_ but not true. It had never been about pushing everyone else away. It had _never_ been, it just had… _happened._ “No. No, I… miss you.”

Jared fell back, another step, but not without a _look_ crossing his face. Evan couldn’t place it. “You only miss me because you don’t have _them,”_ he said, all venom and vehemence and… uncertainty, maybe?

It was definitely uncertainty. Evan knew the feeling. “No. No, _you’re_ my friend, Jared. My _real_ one, my important one–”

_“No,_ I don’t _have_ friends, remember?” Jared retorted. “Not even you.”

Evan barely remembered _saying_ that, but Jared bringing it up jogged his memory. And… why had he… no. He didn’t know. He didn’t know why, or how, any of this had gotten so out of hand. How he’d gotten so in over his _head._ But he couldn’t make excuses. Not anymore. That part was over and done. “I shouldn’ve said that. You have way more friends than I do.”

“I know I do.”

His breath might have been a bit of a laugh, but he really wasn't sure. He really… really had missed Jared, that attitude and all. And maybe part of it was that Jared was always the person he could turn to when it all went to hell, like it had now, but… it was more than that, too. He _was_ his best friend. Not… not Connor. It had never been Connor.

“Forgive me? Maybe?” he tried, shifting from foot to foot. “Even… Even if it’s not now. I just… I wanted you to know I was sorry. Really. And–” he added quickly, “and if you… can’t, that’s… that’s fine.”

“Is it fine?” Jared asked critically. Staring at Evan through narrowed eyes, even if they were still uncertain… even if they were still hurt. “Because _you know_ you aren’t going to be fine with it, and then _I’m_ the asshole who didn’t forgive you.”

“It’s not about me,” Evan murmured.

He’d been selfish. He’d been too close to the lie to even see how selfish he’d been. But that was in the _past._ It wasn’t about him. Not anymore. And he could be fine with that, would be, even in this regard.

Jared groaned, hooking his thumbs into his backpack straps. _“Jesus._ You _owe_ me, dude. Like, _big time,”_ he said, leveling Evan with a glare that wasn’t really a glare so much as just… a look.

“I know.”

“You’ve been a bona fide piece of shit these past weeks.”

“I know, I…” Evan chewed his lip. “I noticed a little late.”

“A little.”

“A lot.”

_“Way_ a lot.”

“Way a lot,” Evan agreed, nodding, and…

Jared smiled. Just a little. Small and hurting and tentative but… _smiling,_ and Evan breathed out a breath he wasn’t even aware he’d been holding, shifted his weight on legs that were shaking. _God._ He hated confrontation. He still hated confrontation, after all of this, but he hated missing Jared, and Alana, and his _mom…_ he needed them back. He wanted them back. If he had to confront himself, and the others, too, then…  he had to. He _had to._

“O _kay,_ stop overreacting,” Jared said.

“I’m not overreacting,” Evan retorted. It was a knee-jerk reaction.

Just like Jared’s, evidently. “You’re about to start hyperventilating.”

“I’m _not_ hyperventilating.”

“Uh, dude, I’ve seen you hyperventilate, I _know_ what you look like when you’re about to hyperventilate.”

“I’m not going to hyperventilate, I’m just…” He took a breath. Hell, maybe Jared was right. “I’m just… really happy.”

“Oh my God. Are you about to hug me?”

“No! I mean, not unless… you want me to?” Evan added.

_“No.”_

“Right!”

“Unless you _need_ to or something.”

“I think I’m… good.”

“Good. Okay.” Jared shrugged, and then stuck out his hand. “Alright.”

Evan smiled, his own brand of hesitant. “Alright,” he repeated, and took it for their old familiar handshake.

After a tap of their knuckles, and Jared was pulling away, looping his thumbs back under his backpack straps. “Okay, let’s _go.”_

“Where?” Evan asked, and if he was falling into step next to Jared like he had before all of this… Connor stuff had gone down… God, he’d missed that. He’d missed all of this.

“I’ve got a preorder in at Gamestop today, duh. That Kickstarter campaign turned Switch game?”

“Oh.”

“Don’t tell me you don’t know what I’m talking about.”

“I must have missed it…” He didn’t say that the only Kickstarter he’d been interested in had been _theirs._ Jared probably knew that, anyway.

“I’m not lending you my copy.”

“Wait, if you pledged for it, why do you have an order at Gamestop?”

“Resale value,” Jared said, bright. “C’mon, man. You _know_ how much those Kickstarter editions’ll be worth one day.”

Evan huffed a tiny laugh, because _that_ was Jared, and so was listening to him rattle on about whatever jumpscare RPG this was that was apparently ‘the next big thing’ and that was… good. Jared was good. _Too_ good, for Evan– but no. No, he wasn’t being defeatist today. Not today…

Today was a good day because Jared _didn’t_ hate him. And that really _was_ good.

“C’mon, I wanna stop and get food first. And _you’re_ buying,” Jared said seriously. “That’s part of your penance.”

“My…” _Fair._ Evan sighed, but he was… pleased, really. Really pleased. “Alright, whatever.”

“I’m gonna get the biggest meal.”

“Aren’t you pushing your luck?”

“You mean pushing _your_ wallet.”

“Oh, ha, ha.”

Jared laughed, and nudged his arm. “You’ll thank me, the food here is great. Come on,” he said, and Evan, breathing a sigh of relief, didn’t hesitate to follow.

**Author's Note:**

> I got to see DEH on Sunday, and it was beautiful and heartwrenching and the whole theatre was crying in unison, and they were SO. GOOD. and I'm still crying over it. Anyway I needed Jared and Evan to have made up! even though everything's not okay, and won't be okay, for some time... they gotta get back on the same track first so!! fic.
> 
> getting the novel this weekend ✌️


End file.
